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Joe Dubin: The importance of a living connection




Storytelling can be a powerful tool to remember loved ones.Submitted/mainstreet-nashville

Storytelling can be a powerful tool to remember loved ones.Submitted/mainstreet-nashville

There is an old saying I have referenced in my stories from time to time:

They say a soldier dies twice. The first time is when he physically dies. The second time is when his story stops being told.

I have always felt it is so powerful it is unfair to put into words what it means because whatever I write, I will still come up far short.

Here is where this all hits home for me.

My mother had a bevy of friends growing up. There were about eight of them who were thicker than thieves, and my goodness, they had some great adventures, I was told.

Pretty sure I wasn’t told all of the stories, and I understand that. My kids will hear some, but not all, of my adventures.

When my mom passed away in June 2011, a few of those girls were still alive and told me more stories about their escapades and, my God, was my heart full.

Then one of them passed away, and part of that story would be gone forever.

It is okay, I told myself, others are still alive, and they are a living connection to my mom.

Then another passed away, and it started to affect me because that is another part of the story that is silenced forever.

This past week, I got word that another one of her dear friends, the last one who knew all the stories, passed away.

To say I was crushed would be an understatement. That last living connection to my mom, and that part of her life, was gone.

Years ago, I wrote an article about dealing with Alzheimer’s and the toll it takes on a family. My mother was still alive, she would pass a month later, and a ton of people reached out sharing their own stories, and it was both heartbreaking and uplifting.

One of my mom’s friends who had not talked to her in decades also reached out to me after seeing the article. She had pictures of my mom in elementary school and junior high that I had never seen before, and it was beautiful. She knew all the stories well, and it was great hearing them.

Last week, Miss Shirley passed away, and I was devastated. A co-worker saw I was pretty upset and asked what was wrong. I explained everything, and she said, “of course you will be upset. That was a living connection to your mom.”

Now, those stories are over. Forever. Those connections in that inner circle have all passed on. The ones who remember those days before life got ahold of them are no longer here.

But I got to hear those stories. All of them. And for that, I am forever grateful.

Joe Dubin is an Emmy Award-winning TV personality who lives in Nashville.

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