Main Street Maury
COLUMBIA WEATHER

Some storm damage can be seen only with kindness




“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” –Haruki Murakami

Awakening Sunday morning before the sunrise, I rolled over and picked up my phone to read the newspaper headlines. (This is not the time to lecture me about having my phone near the bed.)

The governor of the state next door had declared a state of emergency a few hours earlier while we were sleeping. I felt a lot of confusion as I hurriedly scanned more headlines to see what might have happened. And then I saw the headline that gripped me, “More than 70 dead in Kentucky after tornadoes hit …”

My husband is from Kentucky, and we have family and friends who live in Kentucky. My stomach was in knots, and my chest felt heavy. Even if everyone we knew was safe, I already knew many people had died. Reading on, I discovered the tornado had stayed on the ground traveling over 200 miles. I couldn’t fathom the strength of the storms, the devastating impact wind had had on land, buildings, and lives.

When Murakami wrote about the storm, he was talking about the storms inside a person, and I think living through a tornado, a hurricane, an earthquake, floods, or fires is also inside a person, even when they think it is not. No one comes out of a storm the same person they were before the storm.

Have you ever experienced a storm that took out your home or trees or maybe even lives? I’ve survived plenty of storms, but mine have not been related to the weather, for the most part.

I’ve been down the road from a tornado and walked the streets in disbelief at the damage done. I’ve smelled smoke from fires and seen the damage on a computer or television screen. I’ve had friends deal with the aftermath of hurricanes and flooding.

While I’ve not encountered any of that in my own home, I have felt much emotion in watching and reading about the trauma others have experienced. What I have learned is no matter the storm, most of us are forever changed, and for many it can take a very long time to work through the surprising feelings and reactions which find us.

Haven’t we all dealt with enough? Why would you want to write about how we’re feeling? Because we just don’t give our feelings a voice often enough. Millions of people every year are affected by disasters like the tornadoes that dismantled much of western Kentucky. We might see it on the news, but just like when a person dies, once the initial shock is felt and condolences are offered, an awful lot of people will be left to figure out what life is like going forward.

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) was once a term reserved for those who had served in the military, especially in a war situation, but researchers, doctors, and everyday people have come to understand that life’s storms leave many of us traumatized.

Once we learn to develop tools, we can handle the effects of the storms so much better, but that takes time and guidance. If you have young children or teenagers, be on the lookout for ways PTSD is appearing in them. If you feel like things are out of control, imagine what a young person might be feeling.

You need each other. You need to be able to talk about what everyone is feeling and validate the fears or anxieties that have surfaced. None of us is prepared for the way a storm makes us feel. And whether your belongings have been ripped to shreds by tornadic winds or ripped apart by arguing parents, the stress that follows is often overwhelming.

Things to watch for in your children or in yourself or other family members or friends include new appearances of:

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Fear of leaving other family members

• Anger

• Rebellion

• Nightmares (especially of the event)

• For teens or adults, substance abuse

Basically, if you notice someone behaving differently than before the event, (encourage them to) reach out for help. You might talk about it within your family or friends circle at first, but be open to reaching out to a professional, if necessary. Believe it or not, there are people who went to school, have studied, and some have been in practice dealing with these very issues, and they will be more helpful than trying to fix things on your own or hope you’ll start feeling better.

What I want each of us to understand is that when we continue to see and hear about the tornadoes of early December in Kentucky, we might feel a lot of sadness, and those tornadoes aren’t the only storms many of us are experiencing. Those are so visible. Everyone can see that a house lost its roof, or a tree fell into a car, but not everyone sees what’s going on inside the minds and bodies of people who were huddled along a wall, clinging to their pet, afraid they might die.

Likewise, most of us hear a family has experienced death or divorce, but we don’t stop to think about the moments spent afraid of what life would be like without parents in the same house or afraid that one person was going to hurt another, and the huddling along the wall is full of the same fears those in the tornado felt.

Let’s stop assuming lives are as peaceful as the photos posted on Instagram.

Let’s start sticking around to help people after their storm, not just when we can see the wreckage.

Let’s listen to those who need to talk, and let’s talk so others know they aren’t the only ones living with disorder in their lives after the initial stress has gone.

After all, not one of us will avoid at least one or two storms in our lives, and we can be certain we will be changed because of them.

Let’s help each other find our best selves after the storms.

Susan Black Steen is a writer and photographer, a native Tennessean and a graduate of Austin Peay State University. With a firm belief that words matter, she writes and speaks to bring joy, comfort and understanding into each life. Always, she writes from her heart in hopes of speaking to the hearts of others. She can be reached at (stories@susanbsteen.com).

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